You know... I feel pretty good today.  Maybe it's not worth making a journal entry about, but there are so few days where I feel like depression's not eating away at me that I felt like announcing it.  

Logically, I can't figure out why I feel good.  Physically, I'm still not over that darn sinus infection.  I only managed about four hours of sleep last night because of a headache that appeared out of nowhere.  I think it's a stress headache--one of those dull, pounding ones that's more of an annoyance than a real hindrance to functioning like a normal person.  Having a stress headache makes me think that I must be stressed about classes starting, which... is true, to a degree.  The first day of a semester is always nerve-wracking.  I'm afraid I'll forget to go on time, or end up in the wrong room, or--you know.  Things like that. 

But I'm happy to be in school again.  I know not everyone likes it, but this is what I'm good at.  Plus, I have the vast majority of my required classes out of the way; most of the courses I'm taking from here on out will be relevant to my majors and minors and, thus, my interests.  Three English classes this semester!  It's wonderful.  Granted, one is Critical Approaches to Lit class, but I adore the professor and we're reading some good things in it.  I also love my professor for the History of Ancient Philosophy course.  She's brilliant, and this will be the third class I've taken with her.  I don't know a thing about my other professors, but at least two will be wonderful.

I have Intro to Anthropology at ten.  It's a beginner class, but it takes care of a req.  I don't know why I haven't taken a class in anthropology before now; it's an interesting subject.  But that will be an easy class.  I don't have all of my textbooks for it--I ran out of money what with my mom's borrowing and my need to pay for my own therapy visits--but the check from the state for my leftover tuition money should be coming in the mail soon.  Textbooks are so expensive!  I've already forked over $325, and two of the English texts I needed were out of stock and the two anthropology books are $99 and $126. 

I still don't know what I'm going to do with a double major and a double minor.  I assume I'm going to grad school eventually; for what, I can't imagine.  But so long as I'm in school, I feel like I have a purpose. 

Summer is difficult.  It's long, and not being able to drive leaves me trapped at home (I live in a commuter city; everyone owns a car because things are too far apart for walking and the public transport system is almost nonexistent).  It's easier to give in to depression when there's nothing forcing you to get out of bed, too.  I'll even get on a semi-regular sleeping and eating schedule now. 

I like having a purpose.  I like having tasks.  I like school because I know I can do well.  I like classwork because I can bury myself in knowledge and forget about the world.  I can hide behind a textbook and no one will bother me; not even my mom likes to interrupt me when I'm doing something she deems useful.  Even though Mom works on the campus, I'm free from her here.  I can hide away.  I can be useful, too; people are always getting lost in the building I like to haunt, and giving directions makes me feel like I'm doing something decent.

So that's that.  I'm rather sleepy and I can't kill the headache, but I prefer lethargy and a little physical discomfort to that crippling wanting-to-die feeling. 

Roleplaying isn't bothering me, either.  I'm somewhat sad about dropping Carl, but it really was the right thing to do.  My instinct is to snap someone else up right away, but I think I should stay with Justin and Penny.  Honestly, none of the top three contenders for next-to-play-at-Poly (Blind Mag, Drusilla, and Yoh) are any more appealing than the rest, which makes me think that maybe I'm not ready.  I want my next character to be someone I'm passionate about.

Maybe Death.  Terry Pratchett's Discworld Death.  Death is my ultimate roleplaying goal.  I haven't read all of the Discworld novels, but I'm on campus from seven-thirty in the morning to five at night; that gives me plenty of down time between classes.  The risk, of course, is becoming so involved in a novel that I forget about the time.  Classes end at 1:50 today, so I think I'll wait until then to hop on The Hogfather.  I started it a while ago, but this slump I dropped in to during the summer derailed me.  

It's so much easier to focus here.  Even when I'm relatively alone, there are enough people in the background to make me feel connected to reality.  Is that odd?  When I'm alone, I start to disconnect and the world seems far away. 

For the moment, though, I'm here.  I feel good mentally if not physically.  I feel like I can be the person I want to be today--a person who cares about other people, and isn't so wrapped up in her own angst to notice when other people are hurting.  Maybe after we go home today I'll work on finishing up my pony commissions.  That means no internet, but Justin just posted and Penny can't do much until I know the outcome of some logs.  Besides, Poly won't miss me for one evening.

I should probably start packing up for class.  Anthropology is on the top floor of ASH--quite the hike and lots of stairs.  It's a nice day for a walk, though.  

I hope everyone else is having a good day.  I'm sending good vibes your way. <3


ETA
That all kind of crashed, but in a... quiet way.  If there can be quiet crashes.  There are so many people on campus.  It's easy to feel alone when you're completely surrounded.

So it goes, as Kurt Vonnegut would say.

I haven't accomplished anything tonight.  Well... I did take a rather impressive nap, but that's hardly an accomplishment.  It did, however, make my headache ease up, which I consider a great success.  Maybe we'll go for achievement tomorrow.  Or maybe not.  Tuesdays and Thursdays will be my busy days and I already have 120-some-odd pages of reading from my two classes today, so I should have plenty to do.  Not that I haven't put in a little reading time.  I'm ninety pages into The Hogfather from reading between classes.  

I do love the return to classwork.  Goals.  Tangible goals--things to get done by certain dates, knowledge to be learned.  I'm pleased with the workload. 

...Is everyone okay?  I mean, really okay?  In spite of my own mellowness, I kind of feel like there's something not right with the world.  If anyone ever needs to rant, private messages are a-okay.  

Oh, email.  The school system is discontinuing its email system and switching to a new one, so my old email address isn't reliable right now.  Back to the old cox.net name, methinks.  So... if you want to chat, the address is pariah@cox.net.  I have a new AIM name, too--justthatboring--but I don't know how much I'll be on.  With classes, I'm only on the computer for short stretches at a time; it seems rude to log in if I don't have time for a proper conversation.

Yeats... Yeats Yeats Yeats.  We're reading him in Irish Lit II.  I know I have an anthology around here somewhere.  I'm very in love with "The Second Coming."

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

This semester, I think, I'll finally memorize that poem.

I've narrowed it down to two. It was originally three, but I don't actually have any pictures of the really beautiful places in Venice on my laptop. As such, I'm going with a couple of places in Germany. Germany felt so much like home; we drove all the way across the country, avoiding most of the major cities, and saw some of the most gorgeous countryside ever. There were castles every now and then, too--vacant, mostly, but just seeing a castle sitting by a rocky outcropping is surreal. No pictures of castles, but I do have a couple of pictures of Andechs. I'd like to live there someday. In all seriousness, I think it's one the most beautiful places on earth.



Ah, the German countryside. This was in one of the more mountainous regions in Bavaria. I love the open country, and I think the area around Andechs must be the prettiest in the world.  The shot of the vehicle our van was passing sort of takes away from the rustic charm, though. XD

Here's a shot of Andechs, taken from the open-air restaurant that's a part of the Benedictine monastery. Kloster Andechs is up on a hill, and it has a breathtaking view of on the tiny town below it and the surrounding Bavarian countryside. I think I was the only one appreciating the scenery, though; those Benedictine monks apparently brew a mean beer, which kept the boys distracted. The food was to die for, and the inn we stayed at in Andechs was just charming. I wanted to stay there; there are wonderful walking paths that the monks keep maintained, and the Ammersee isn't too far away. The kloster itself was gorgeous--Baroque architecture, I think.  I loved it here. 

On an unrelated note, don't be too concerned if I'm not online much from now until Sunday.  We're getting into the last two weeks of the semester and I keep meaning to stop procrastinating and get work done (ha).  Plus, we're supposed to have some powerful storms Saturday and Sunday, which means internet connections will be spotty.  I'm excited about that, though; I like storms, and these will be the first decent ones of the season.

Love to my tiny f-list. <3

Revealia.

Don't look at me like that.  I'm serious.  I've liked Olivia, too.  I'm pretty attached to my given name, though, so it'd have to be a middle name.  I hate my middle name, and Veda Revealia has such a pleasant sound to it.  To my knowledge, Revealia is an old family name that belonged to someone on my mom's side.  Possibly a great-great-aunt.

Plus, with a name like Revealia?  I could always take up stripping if the whole bookstore/artist/writer thing falls through.

This is my second journal, where I'll talk about life and put original writings that don't involve characters that someone else made up.  For roleplaying-related things, fandom nerditude, and fan fiction, direct yourself to ohsoboring , please.  At some point, I'll be moving some content around from one journal to the other and make some kind of table of contents.

Until then, content pending.